Worry and Anxiety

Ooooof.  My life has been defined by worry and anxiety.  Even with having a healthy spiritual and self reflective life, I continue to struggle with these lovely attributes that I have.  As a child I was called “worry wart” by my siblings.  I worried myself sick if my parents didn’t get home when they said they would.  I would stand by the window, crying, just waiting for them to show up.  As I got older, this kind of worry would continue when friends would be late.  I have had no reason to be like this.  Noone ever abandoned me.  Of course now, cell phones have saved me from this issue (thank God for small favors!).  Maybe it’s just that I want to be in control of every aspect of my life.  So you can guess what my life has been like since I’ve had kids.  And it’s all been made worse by having one child with ADHD and learning differences and one child with Celiac disease..  

So imagine my angst when Ryan started exhibiting signs of developmental delays and ADHD.  I was already a mom that worried about the “normal” aspects of child rearing:  worried when the kids were sick, worried that they weren’t eating enough or eating too much, worried when they wouldn’t fall asleep. Worried, worried, worried!  

Worry, anxiety and stress are killers.  And I’m not talking about just physically.  They can also be  emotional, mental  and relationship killers.  You can picture the worried mother, with hair a mess, furrowed brow, staying up all night thinking about all of the things that have, will and might go wrong with her kids.  Well, that’s not completely me, just a little bit me.  Yes, I’ve lost sleep, and yes I have the furrowed brow – but my hair? -Oh no, that’s not a mess!  I’ve been on meds and been in therapy to learn tools to help with the  sometimes overwhelming feelings. But even with that, I still have this underlying relentless  feeling of worry.    I have high blood pressure, and sometimes I stress eat.  I  do lose sleep,  which lowers my body’s ability to fight off illness,  and has left me so exhausted that I have no desire to exercise and take care of myself.

We can wallow in our anxiety and stress, which at times I have, almost to the point of paralyzing me into doing nothing all day.  I’ve been told, “Don’t worry, everything will be just fine!” or “Why are you so worried?  It doesn’t help anything!”  Or as my mother would famously say, (may her memory be a blessing) “It is what it is, don’t worry.”  If it were only so easy.  For many of us who have friends and family who seem to be calm in every storm and nonreactive to the little bumps in life along the way, we have two ways of thinking about them.  First,  we are slightly resentful of their ability to ride the waves of life with a calm and cool head, and second, we’re resentful that they don’t seem to understand that we think they should be a bit more worried about that stressful, worrisome event that we’re worried about.  They don’t understand us, and we don’t understand them.  But, if I’m honest with myself,  I really just want to be more like them.  

Take my mother for instance;  you know the one who always said, “It is, what it is.”  My mom said that to me so often, that at times I just wanted to scream.  (Which I always did, just in my head.)  If anyone had a reason to have worry and anxiety, it was her.  Growing up during the depression, living through World War 2, having 4 children, and losing her husband when he was 59 and she was 54, gave her ample reason to be an anxious, worried woman.  But what all of this experience did for her instead,  was give her a mighty strength  and a gentle spirit and she had an incredible faith in God.   

After my mom passed away last year at the age of 94, I’ve been reminded of how her cool, calm manner is something that I aim to emulate in my life..  The key is though,  of how to do it.   It’s always easier said than done.  I’ve started to ask myself in certain situations, “What would Mom do?”  And I’ll take a moment to think about it.  

So, I aim to work on my anxiety and fears by praying, taking deep breaths, exercising, meditating  and being more present.  There will still be times when my worries will overtake me, but if I take a moment and remember my mom, and hear her voice, I can say, “It is, what it is.” , and go on my way.   This way, I can do a bit better with my worries and anxiety, and also carry my mom’s spirit with me wherever I go.   

***If you find yourself dealing with overwhelming anxiety, please contact your doctor.  They will help you find a therapist and provide medication for you.  There is hope.) ***