Where’s Ryan?

“Where’s Ryan?”

“I don’t know. He was right behind me a minute ago!”

Panic, fear, and what were we thinking?

I will make this a “picture this” story. Disneyland, Tom Sawyer’s Island (when it was still called that), Ryan, six years old, and his sister, 8 years old.

That morning right after we walked into Disneyland, Ryan’s dad and I had a serious conversation with him:

“Ryan, here’s your hat. On the underside of the bill is dad’s phone number. Do you see it here? If you get separated from us, find a cast member, tell them you don’t know where we are, but here is my dad’s number. Please call him. Now, what are you supposed to do if we get separated?”

“I take off my hat, show it to a cast member and ask them to call you.”

“Great, you got it, bud!”

We went on our way to enjoy a wonderful day at the happiest place on earth. We had been there already many times, so we felt pretty confident that nothing would go awry with our visit. But wouldn’t you know it, this day we would have an “event”. It would be our first there, but not our last.

So back to Tom Sawyer’s Island…..For those of you who don’t know what the island is like, you take a small ferry over to the island, and then explore the various caves, and fort, and bridges that it has to offer. One of the best things about the island are the caves with all kinds of twists and turns and entrances and exits. Most of the time, there’s all kinds of people and kids coming in and out. Once you’re inside, you can easily lose your way and come out in an area completely on the other side. It’s easy to get “lost”. If you have someone waiting for you in the place you went in, chances are you will not come out in the same area. Our kids loved this island, and before they went into the caves, we told the two of them to stick together. We specifically asked our daughter to make sure Ryan was always behind her. Hey, guess what? A while later, she came out and Ryan didn’t, hence the “Where’s Ryan?” The question immediately came into my mind, will he do what we asked him to do? So my husband and I and our daughter split up, and two of us went in one entrance and the one of us went into another entrance. We couldn’t find him. For ten looooooonnnnnggggg minutes. One part of me was truly frightened while another part of me knew that he couldn’t have gotten far, and another part of me was telling me that Ryan would actually do what we had asked him to do. If you’ve ever been in a situation like this, then you know what I’m talking about. We did not find him. But – guess who did? A cast member! Who called my husband! Because Ryan gave him his hat! It worked! Ryan was fine, we didn’t yell at him. He did what we asked him to do. Then we turned on his sister, which really wasn’t the best thing to do. We should have never asked her to keep an eye on Ryan. Not fair to her. Why do we do this to older siblings? And to older siblings of kids who have ADHD? Really I feel sorry for older siblings, we always ask them to keep an eye on the younger ones. But when those siblings are not neurotypical, it’s even harder..

I learned a few things that day. First, take the time out to think ahead and plan for an event like this. Make sure that your non neurotypical kid has the tools to use when they get separated. This is especially true for kids who have ADHD. They have a hard time focusing when there are a million things pulling their brains in all kinds of directions, especially at a place like Disneyland. Even if you’re holding their hand, there will always be a point in the day when you’re not, Nor will it be appropriate when they reach a certain age to hold their hand. And making sure once you give them the tools that they can verbalize back to you their understanding. And second, try to not give another sibling charge over their ADHD sibling. It’s just not fair. Especially if something happens, and then you yell at them. Oh, yeah, that will make them feel good! Right!

This event was the second time Ryan had gotten lost and it wasn’t his last. In fact, he got lost a few years later again at Disneyland. There was a group of ten of us, and all of us thought that someone was watching him. Though true to form, Ryan had been listening and went to our meet up place and had a cast member call us. You may think I’m a horrible parent. How could I have let this happen? Well, how about you just try it? It’s easy to feel this way if you’ve never had or been around a child like Ryan. At one point, I was even given the suggestion that we put him on a leash. I don’t know how you all feel about that, but my son was not a dog or an animal. I was going to do whatever I could do to not put a leash on him. Yep, I feel pretty strongly about that stupid leash idea.

I can look back on these events now and laugh about it.  I guess the bottom line here is for those of you who have the ADHD child, find the tools that will work best for them in situations like this.  And don’t beat yourself up when something like this does happen, because chances are, it will, through no fault of their own.  Come to think of it, that can be a really good trait in the right circumstances.  They just need the right tools.   For those of you who don’t have a child like Ryan, or are in the extended family of a child who has ADHD, be kind, supportive and helpful.  

Oh, and you just may be wondering about the first time Ryan got lost? In a department store….playing under a rack of clothes…..the whole store was shut down……..10 minutes. Yep, I was that mother, with that kid…