The Starbucks Cranberry Bliss Bar Incident

I like to post this older post every holiday season.  It continues to give me a chuckle every time I read it.  I hope you enjoy it again as well.  Merry Christmas to all and a Happy New Year! 

Taking my kids to Starbucks when they were young was always a treat. During winter break from school was even more special because of the festive holiday season. Hot chocolate with whipped cream and seeing all of the special holiday cups and treats and staying out of the cold and rain, would set the scene for a memorable time. Well, the cold and rain not so much being from So Cal and all, but we still worked at getting into that special winter vibe.

This past weekend, Ryan and I drove back together from college in Southern Oregon We drove through snow, ice, wind and rain and had a very memorable time listening to more Christmas music than I had thought we would, talked about our favorite rock/pop songs of all time and of course, Ryan’s fall school quarter.

Naturally this trip also included a few stops along the way at Starbucks for bathroom breaks and hot drinks. One Starbucks in particular took us down memory lane. As we stood in line, and looked in the case with all of the goodies, there was a box of the Cranberry Bliss Bars. The packaging has not changed since Ryan was young. In its brightly red and white striped box with the plastic cellophane over the bars themselves, thr packaging is meant to entice a customer into seeing the beautiful confection and “needing” to purchase because they just look so delicious. Ryan took one look at that box, looked at me, and we just burst out laughing.

You see, when Ryan was four, I had to purchase an entire box of those Cranberry Bliss Bars. We were standing in line. Ryan took one look at the bars and without thinking, without any delay, and of course without me watching, poked his little fingers right through the cellophane, and right into the bars. I heard the pop. Because of course, the cellophane was stretched tight, just like a microwavable frozen meal. You know that sound. It got my attention, along with everyone else in line. And of course one poke wasn’t enough. By the time I stopped him, the cellophane was shredded. And yes, like I said, I had to purchase the entire package. Which of course, I didn’t want. I don’t even like them and I knew we never ate all of those bars. They are very pretty but I think they look better than they taste. But hey, that’s just my opinion. Yes, I was horribly embarrassed, I sighed, and reprimanded Ryan.

Of course this wasn’t as bad as the time Ryan pulled the fire alarm in preschool, but it was just another piece of the puzzle in identifying who Ryan was and is. And Ryan has remembered this event. He remembers me yelling at him. And although we laugh about it now, Ryan has had a lot of those moments of me yelling at him after he did something, and me asking him why he did it.

What I’ve learned over the years though, is that asking my child with ADHD why he has done something is counterintuitive. First of all, they can’t answer that question. The answer is always going to be, “I don’t know.” The lack of executive functioning, specifically the impulsivity and the inability to stop and think is the rule of the day. The time between seeing the package with the bars and putting his fingers through the cellophane was non-existent. There was no stopping and thinking about what Ryan was about to do. It should have been up to me to pay attention to him and keep his eyes and hands busy with something else.

ADHDers can learn how to step back from impulsivity, learn how to make better decisions, and learn how to take that all important pause. Some of that learning is maturity, some through cognitive behavior therapy and some through learning how their own brain works and finding the tools that will help them. The loved ones of ADHDers can learn how to stop asking why the ADHDer did something, and ask the ADHDer how they can help make better decisions next time. This can be a long process and take a lifetime to master. But by providing

tools and support, the ADHDer and their significant others can move forward with positive assurance that next time an issue of impulsivity arises, there will be space between the thought and action.

As Ryan and I had a good laugh at the memory , I mentioned to him at that moment to please keep his hands to himself, and that I had my eye on him. I guess it’s taken me almost twenty years to get that right. Thank goodness I didn’t have to buy another box of that Cranberry Bliss Bar!

“Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts or happenings, it consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever flowing through one’s head.” -Mark Twain