The Power of the Pause

Last week I began to talk about using strengths instead of weaknesses in managing ADHD, especially when the weaknesses seem to outweigh and overwhelm those with ADHD.  This morning when  I sat down to write, fully intending on writing more about strengths, I couldn’t get the idea of “the power of the pause” out of my head.  So if you’ll indulge me and be patient, I need to get this idea out first.

I’ve mentioned taking and using the  pause before,  specifically in the post about emotional dysregulation.  (“I’m not overreacting!”)  I believe that taking a pause can be one of the most singularly important things a person can do, especially an ADHDer.  It can and will make life better in every aspect of their life.  And not just  for themselves, but also for those who love them.  

I hear myself often jumping the gun to answer questions, provide explanations, offering ideas or opinions.  Or, before I know it, I have said something in the heat of the moment, that ends up coming out all wrong.  I have inadvertently hurt someone’s feelings.   And the worst of it,  is when I fly off the handle when I’m frustrated or angry at Ryan, his sister, or my husband. 

  Like me, Ryan has an issue with impulsivity, although it’s more pronounced.  It is a common trait in those with ADHD.  This impulsivity comes out in every way possible.  Physical, emotional, verbal, educational, decision making, etc.  It affects every aspect of his life.  As he’s gotten older, his impulsivity has changed, and he takes medications to help, but it’s still there, and  can still create a problem.   Living with this impulsivity and trying to control it is like being a Ferrari with bicycle brakes.   

This is where the pause comes into play.  And it’s a learned tool.  Many neurotypicals automatically and intrinsically use it.  (Some don’t and need to learn how to take the pause as well.  It’s not just an ADHD thing)  And taking the pause can be called other names like “putting on the brakes” or “taking a breath” or “stop and smell the roses”.  Or it can be used as a mindfulness tool, as in being present in the moment.  For Ryan and  me, I like using the saying, “take a pause”.  This so often stops me in my tracks.  Gives me the opportunity to take a breath, and think about what I want to say before I say it.  Or to think about the purchase I am about to make, or even stop to think about a task without diving headlong into it without thinking about the steps it will take to finish it.  I think it’s even helpful when I’m about to make a decision about a future endeavor and saying yes to it without thinking about all the pros and cons.

Taking a pause can help figure out how to pay attention to what we are paying attention to.    For me, taking a pause stops me in my tracks.  Helps me to listen to the person speaking to me.  Helps me to think about what I’m going to say in response.   Keeps me from trouble. Helps me to ask myself what my next course of action should be. Oh, and a big thing it helps with, is not sending an email or text right off the bat when my emotions are running high.  (That’s a big one!  See the Mark Twain quote below.)   Remembering to take the pause continues to elude me at times.  But as I try to practice it daily, I find that the idea is there in the back of my mind, just trying to come to the front.   

In learning the power of the pause, I hope to continue to help myself and help Ryan.  Afterall, we’re in this together.  

“A letter written in  a passion is a mistake…It usually wrongs two persons, and always wrongs one – yourself.”       – Mark Twain