The Elephant in the Room

This post needs to come with a warning. I wrote it when I was in a difficult place. I wrote it with anger. I wrote it sobbing. I know that I am not alone and it is an experience that many of my friends who have neurodivergent children have faced. My purpose here is not to call anyone out. My purpose is to bring a problem into the light that many parents with neurodivergent children have faced. You are not alone. I also hope that if you find yourself on the flip side, that you might become more open to your children having friends who are not like them and you will be building compassion in them. You will find that the neurodivergent are loving and caring individuals, and make wonderful and loyal friends. Eventually the neurodivergent child will realize that they aren’t wanted. This has long lasting consequences to their psyche.

THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM….

is this: You have good friends, maybe even great friends. You get all the verbal support you need from them about your neurodivergent kid. They know about your difficult journey. They care about you and your family. You spend a lot of time with them. They have children the same age as your children. Their children spend no time with your children. Because, you know, their kids are typical. The question is, why? Not sure. Maybe they’re just too uncomfortable? Maybe they think your kid is too weird? Maybe they’re lacking in compassion? Maybe they want their kids to just have “normal” friends? Maybe it takes too much effort?

There is NOTHING more painful than this. You spend hours in tears. Hours wondering why? Hours trying to figure out how to make it different. Hours trying to figure out a way to talk to them about it, trying to call them out with love, but knowing that if you do, your friendship will be over..

This is where I find my bitterness dwelling inside me. This is where I just want to scream from the rooftops, “PLEASE accept my kid for who they are. PLEASE help your own child befriend my child and be compassionate. Can you not see that this is happening? Do you not see how hurtful this is when your child spends time with another friends’ child and leaves mine out? I don’t think you do. I don’t think you have a clue, or maybe you do.”

I don’t know how to let this go. I’ve been trying to for years. It still comes up. It still happens. At times it doesn’t bother me and other times it just about kills me. I know that I am not alone in feeling and experiencing this, but it doesn’t make it less painful. And I know there are many other families that go through this with their neurodiverse child. It is another cross that we have to bear. But this needed to be said….it is the elephant in the room.