Stereotypes

This is part 2 of my post on ADHD, Please continue to celebrate ADHD month, and share with anyone who might benefit from reading this post.

“Ryan has ADHD?”  “He…..

1. …must be dumb

2. …must be stupid

3. …seems to be able to focus well on playing games or legos, so he really doesn’t have ADHD does he?  

4. …is a boy.  All boys are hyperactive

5. …will grow out of it won’t he?

6. …he doesn’t seem hyperactive

7. ….shouldn’t be on meds

8. …should be on meds, as that’s the only treatment for it

9. ….shouldn’t let anyone know he has ADHD

10. ….shouldn’t be labeled

11. …..won’t ever go to college

12. ….won’t ever be successful

13. ….is just lazy

14. ….is just using an excuse

15. …doesn’t have ADHD.  It’s not a real diagnosis.  You’re not parenting him right.”

Ugh! We have heard all of these from family, friends and strangers. Do you know how damaging these statements can be? Just think about the child with ADHD who starts to believe they are dumb, or stupid, or lazy. Just think about the adult, who hasn’t been officially diagnosed because they believe these statements about themselves. As a parent of a now adult with ADHD, it can be absolutely exhausting to educate and explain how wrong these statements are. So in this post, I want to dispel these stereotypes.

He must be dumb, he must be stupid: Having ADHD has nothing to do with IQ. Most children with ADHD actually are extremely bright. They just think differently and don’t typically fit into the box of our educational system. The key here is to help them and give them the tools necessary to be successful in their educational journey.

He can focus so well on playing games or legos, so he really doesn’t have ADHD: Many children/adults with ADHD have the ability to hyperfocus on activities they are interested in. It is actually one of the symptoms of ADHD.

He is a boy. All boys are hyperactive: Ok, well that’s just simply not true. That said, Ryan was hyperactive as a young child. Also, boys are diagnosed at a higher rate than girls. But girls can be diagnosed with ADHD as well, and are propably underdiagnosed.

He will grow out of it won’t he? Simply, no. But, there are tools that Ryan has learned and continues to learn to help him manage himself, and in the meantime, is still on meds. He may always be on meds or he may not. Only time will tell how he continues to develop and learn life skills.

He doesn’t seem hyperactive anymore: The hyperactivity is in his brain. As Ryan has gotten older, the physical hyperactivity has pretty much disappeared. His brain is a big ole mess of zoom. It’s busy in there. As he said “my brain is running laps around me”. That hyperactivity won’t ever go away.

He shouldn’t be on meds/should be on meds:: Of course this is a personal decision for the parents or for the adult to be on medications. Many people seem to think that being on stimulants will either make the person a zombie or addicted. While it is true that there are side effects to ADHD medication, if the right dosage and drug are found, then the benefits outweigh the side effects. No child should ever be a zombie. That means the dose is way too high. It is also true that it may take some time in finding the right medication and the right dose, and that changes will continue to be made as the child grows. As far as addiction is concerned, Ryan has been on meds since he was six years old. He has no evidence of addiction.

He shouldn’t let anyone know he has ADHD/he shouldn’t be labeled: Some think that if you get labeled, or tell people, then you will be treated differently. Many kids don’t want to be different. (Read my post on labeling). It is true that you will be most likely treated differently, but the benefits of being treated differently far outweigh the struggles the person will have to go through without others knowing. If no one knows, then how are you going to get the help needed? Chances are you will really struggle. Who wants to struggle? Without letting people know that Ryan had ADHD, who knows where he would be today? There are laws to protect and help those who identify their disabilities, whether to an employer or school. (I have to use the term disability here, as that is how it’s identified in the law. I would prefer to use the term difference.) I also want to mention that if a child struggles with letting others know, then having them meet with a therapist to learn how to become a self advocate, to work on their self esteem and become proud of who they are, is an incredible step in their journey. As parents, my husband and I never shied away from having Ryan be a full participant in his therapy and his struggles. He has fully embraced who he is.

He won’t ever go to college/won’t be successful: This is just plainly an ignorant statement. But, a person with ADHD will struggle more and have to work much harder than a neurotypical person. This again is where identifying oneself with ADHD and having that label will help. You can also search on the internet to see how many famous people have ADHD. It kind of blows this statement out of the water.

He is just lazy/just making excuses: This one kills me. This one was used on Ryan when he told a boss that he had ADHD and that it would take him longer to finish a task. Needless to say, that didn’t go over well. Ryan could have taken action against his employer legally.

He doesn’t have ADHD. ADHD isn’t real. You’re not parenting him right. Yes, this was literally said to me by a family member. Really painful. Simply put- it is a neurodevelopmental disorder with it’s own DSM-5 diagnosis. It is a true medical diagnosis. So there!