Resiliency

It took Ryan three times to pass his written driver’s license test.  It took Ryan three times to pass the driving portion of his driver’s license test.  After each time that he failed, his downtrodden face would last for about thirty minutes, and then he was back to his normal happy go lucky self.  This is resilience..  The bouncing back, the ability to have a good attitude about the future  and  the ability to try again and again and again.  And to some degree, the ability to  forget the previous experience.  Ryan has this most profound quality.

So what is the actual definition of  resilience?  According to Google’s English dictionary provided by Oxford Languages, resilience is 1. the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness, and 2. the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.

When someone is constantly bombarded from an early age with difficulties in life such as illness, educational and relationship issues,  it takes a toll on that person’s psyche.  Imagine for a moment if you will,  carrying a twenty pound bag with you everywhere you go.  You would have to work extra hard to accomplish what someone else accomplishes who isn’t carrying that extra weight.  How difficult would it be to bounce back after falling down again and again?  How does this person get back up, shake themselves off and “forget” about their previous failures?    

The weight in  question here is Ryan’s neurodivergence – his ADHD, his anxiety, his learning differences and his executive functioning disorder.  He has had to manage this his entire  life.  He has no idea what it’s like to live in a typical world.  This weight for Ryan makes life much more difficult and resilience is necessary for him to be successful in life.   

Resilience isn’t something that can be taught.  But it can be cultivated through a support system of parents, teachers, coaches, therapists, etc.  Being encouraging, looking for the positives and not focussing on the failures of the person involved.  I think back on all of the instances in Ryan’s life where we could have completely just given up; not sending Ryan to Westmark School, not pushing forward in scouting, not pushing forward in therapy, and certainly  giving up on his getting his driver’s license..  I think not giving up on these things  has given Ryan the support he has needed to keep going.  His ability to continue to struggle and pick himself up and go on,  is a testament to not only all of his supporters around him but to his innate ability to be resilient.  

I would be lying if I said that Ryan’s struggles don’t hit me hard on a semi daily basis. I understand how hard it is to be him.  At the same time, I find his joy in life so infectious.  I am constantly amazed at his abilities to find the good in his life, and at the resilience he has;  the ability to spring back over and over again like a rubber band is what makes Ryan who he is.  We should all learn from him.    

“It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.” – Mark Twain