My Purpose

There have been some very uncomfortable conversations when it comes to discussing my blog and book.  The “Why are you doing this?” And,  “Why would you put such personal things out there?” And, “What if this backfires for Ryan’s future?” And the most poignant, “Aren’t you just unloading your emotional trash?  Just write it down just for yourself.” 

Although I have shared a bit of the why in the first posting of my blog, I felt that it was time to revisit the question of why and to give a more detailed answer. I hope that it will give others a better understanding. Many may still question my motives, but at least I will have done my best to put it to rest.

The idea of writing a book began when Ryan was young. I kept notes on some of his very humorous sayings. I wrote down ideas. I began to think that I could turn some of our experiences into a book. The purpose being that I might be able to help others, navigate the difficult world of raising a child with learning disabilities and to encourage and help others know they are not alone.

When Ryan was in high school, I spoke to him about my idea of writing a book about him and our family’s journey. By this time, Ryan had been attending a school for children with language based learning differences for five years. He was completely aware of his differences and disabilities. He embraced them, and was becoming a self advocate. He did not shy away from speaking to others about himself or his struggles. We talked about the possibility that what I would write about could help others. I wasn’t ready to begin writing yet, but at the time, he felt that it would be a good idea and that he was supportive.

Initially, I thought that I would wait until Ryan was in college, so that I would have more time. Ryan and his sister would be both out of the house and both adults. With Ryan’s full blessing, I began writing the blog right before he started college. During the pandemic, Ryan asked me when I was going to start writing the book. I took that as the encouragement and push that I needed to begin the process. Again, he and I spoke about what this might mean for him. That his life would be on the written page. He told me again that he was OK with that.

Is Ryan old enough to understand the possible ramifications of his approval? Will there be “fall out” in him being able to procure a job? If a future employer “googles” him, what will they find? And will this prevent him from getting the job because he has learning disabilities? These questions have been brought to my attention by friends. Well the answer is maybe. But, Ryan will need to tell the future employers of his differences from the get go anyway. Legally, the employers can’t not hire him because of these disabilities. And they must provide him with accommodations. It’s better that it’s “out there” instead of hiding it and bringing it out when something serious happens while employed. It’s about inclusion. It’s about bringing the invisible into the light. It’s about change. And we and Ryan are about this change.

Some of the issues I write about are difficult and deeply personal, and very honest. I write about things that people don’t know about and aren’t aware of. If I find that I’m writing about some very personal events, I always have Ryan read it first and give his blessing before I post. Do I also get some sense of purging as I write? Of course. At times, when I am sitting at my computer writing, I am sobbing. It can be very cleansing. But I also know that the pain of reliving some of these experiences puts things into a new perspective. That through the pain, someone who reads it may find solace and help in the words that I write.

Finally, as a woman of faith, I believe that I have been given a difficult yet wonderful gift in Ryan. I need to do something with that gift. Otherwise, what is the point of living it and experiencing it? My soul urges me to do something to give back and help others. I write simply to help others. It is my purpose and my mission.

Thank you for your support.