Money, Money, Money Money……Money

Ugh.  Money.  No-one wants to talk about money.  It would be a four letter word if it could.  

  We all have a difficult relationship with money, don’t we?  How to get it.  How to spend it.  How to manage it.  So much of how we deal with it comes from how we were raised.  It was a taboo topic when I was growing up.  It was just simply not discussed.  When I think about it, it’s no wonder I struggled with all things financial for a big chunk of my life.

Many people with ADHD have a very difficult relationship with money.  Since they have issues with executive functioning, it naturally follows that money can be a thorn in their side.  Ryan has had his share of bumps in the road when it comes to money matters.  I’m not going to get too personal, but I will offer generalizations and some advice on how we have helped him and to continue to help him  learn about and  manage his budget.

Many ADHDers live in the here and now.  Due to the previous mention of executive functioning issues, the inability to look down the road and plan for the future is difficult.  On top of this, if the ADHDer has issues with   impulsivity, they have an inability to stop and think about a purchase,  and so they go  head long into buying something that maybe they don’t need or don’t have the money for.  Many ADHDers lack the ability  to think that if they buy that pair of shoes or that computer game, they may not be able to pay for their phone or electricity at the end of the month.  It simply does not dawn on them.  And then they find themselves in a bit of a mess.

Early on, we knew that as soon as Ryan had cash in his hands, he would spend it.  It would burn a hole in his pocket.  (Hmmm, I wonder where he gets that from?)  Or, he would be extra generous with friends and buy them a snack or a drink, never thinking that he might need that money for himself.  He would often come home from school, asking for more money from me or his dad the next day, and we would ask him, “where did the money go?” And when he went to sleepaway camp, he never came back with any money left over.  And invariably, he wouldn’t know where the money went.  

This behavior is typical of those with ADHD.  It’s not a fault.  Although it can cause a lot of problems down the road.  There is actually a term for this, it’s called the ADHD tax.  

The ADHD tax happens when an ADHDer forgets to pay a bill.  And then there is the late charge that’s added to the bill.  Or something gets canceled because the ADHDer didn’t have enough money to pay the bill because they spent too much on other things and then to get the service reinstated, they have to come up with a lot more money.  And of course the financial tax then becomes an emotional and mental tax, doesn’t it?  

Money problems in an ADHDer can look like a horrible car wreck, and a weakness.  And it can be a lifelong challenge.  Even if  an ADHDer is taught personal finances, takes classes, gets information, is mentored or taught  early on, it simply may not work.  On top of this, the ADHDer may feel horrible shame and guilt for not being able to manage their finances on their own.  And they may hide their problems, not talk about it, lie about it and get themselves even deeper into financial trouble and debt.  

What to do?  Put simply, the ADHDer with financial issues will need someone in their life to help keep them on track.  Whether it’s a family member to keep a budget for them and manage their money matters, or possibly hiring a financial planner to do the same.  I even know of an older adult woman with ADHD who has a manager who literally manages all of her money and gives her enough cash each week to buy things that she needs or wants.  

Taking this issue off the ADHDer’s plate will give them the opportunity to use their strengths in areas that matter.  It takes the guilt and shame away and helps them feel better about themselves so they can focus on being successful in all areas of their life.  

Noone wants to or likes to talk about money, but let’s bring it out of the shadows and truly help those who need it.  Help them face their struggles face on, take away the shame and give the ADHDer hope for a bright future.

“Behold the fool saith,  “Put not all thine eggs in the one basket”- which is but a manner of saying, “Scatter your money and your attention”; but the wise man saith,  “Put all your eggs in the one basket and- WATCH THAT BASKET.”’

                    –Pudd’nhead Wilson (1894)   Mark Twain