Know your audience

This past Sunday night at the Oscars when Chris Rock made a joke about how he was looking forward to seeing Jada Pinkett Smith in the next GI Jane movie, and then Will Smith coming onstage and slapping him was quite a shock. And it brought to my mind immediately the saying “Know your audience.” I’m not going to get into any discussion here about who was right or wrong, but I want to talk about how important that statement is, and how being aware of “knowing your audience” in my family is important.

We are a family of humor, jokes, snarkiness and quick wit. Oh, and the sarcasm! Sometimes to our benefit, but many times to our detriment. Some of us are better equipped to handle these quick quips when they land and we laugh, take the joke, and the teasing and move on. Other times the remarks don’t land well, and then the hurt feelings and/or misunderstanding results in some verbal outbursts. Statements like, “that’s not funny”, or “that hurt my feelings”, or “I can’t believe you said that”, and then the “Get over it, it was just a joke!”, or “Can’t you take a joke!”, or “Why are you making such a big deal over it?” We also have the added layer of using our family’s humor on others outside of our family, many times just not thinking that they may just not get it. Ouch, that can really hurt!

What makes this even harder, is when a family member such as Ryan, has auditory processing issues and verbal language disorder. It’s harder for him to understand the nuances and to pick up on verbal cues. Sometimes he just has the inability to understand the joke/remark/statement at all. He can’t put it into context and the “joke” becomes an attack on him personally. This has affected every aspect of his life, from making friends who don’t understand and then make fun of or tease him, to adults who innocently tease him, to our own family who make “funny” remarks to him without a second thought.

Teasing can easily turn into bullying when someone who is neurodivergent can’t quite grasp the meaning behind the teasing. Outbursts then insue and the “perpetrator” gets attacked, most often verbally, but sometimes physically.

Putting yourself in other people’s shoes, taking a moment before you speak, and knowing your audience is so very important. Who are you speaking to? Are they able to take a joke? Where are they in their life’s journey? How are they feeling today? Is what you’re going to say offend, hurt or uplift? It would be nice to be able to say whatever is on our minds to the people we love and care about the most, but this is the audience we need to know better than any other.

My family has been trying to know our audience for over twenty two years, and we’re still learning. (Well, if I’m being honest, some of us have been working on this a lot longer!) Being mindful of our own idiosyncrasies is a challenge we face on a daily basis. We have a difficult time not blurting out

So take a moment, and know your audience before you say something you might regret.

“It’s better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt.”

– Mark Twain