Happy New Year!

Thoughts on Resolutions

As I sit and write and reflect on the past year, I am gladly moving on to the new year.  There were many challenges, some devastating, some remarkably positive.  All were life altering.  What do I want to accomplish this year?  And where does Ryan fit into all of this?  Ryan too has faced many of the same challenges I faced this year, as well as his own. With your permission, I will digress here for a moment.   

Ryan is at a stage in his life that I can no longer share many of his personal challenges, whether  positive or negative.  It’s no longer my place,  and his privacy is too important to him.  The things that I will share though will be thoroughly vetted by him.  It’s been quite some time since I provided an update on the goings on in Ryan’s life.  Here is a short synopsis:

-Ryan is in his 5th year at Southern Oregon University.  He hopes to be finished with school after  winter term 2025.  There are some challenging classes ahead of him, but he is determined to complete all of his required courses and graduate.  

-He has been facing some difficult medical issues that are being addressed.  Although difficult, the end results will help him be healthier and happier.

-He is applying to work at a summer camp this summer.

-He still throws out his Ryanisms, which continue to bring joy and laughter to our family.  (Ryanisms are funny sayings or terms that Ryan makes up on the spot  and blurts out.)

-His ADHD is still in roaring form.  He’ll never grow out of it.  But he continues to learn how to manage his symptoms with tools that he’s learned as well as medication which help him be successful.

-He continues to work with an academic coach/mentor, therapist, psychiatrist and a few other medical doctors. 

My role as Ryan’s mother continues to evolve.  I would like nothing more than to cut all apron strings and see the bird fly on his own.  Although all the strings won’t be cut this coming year, I do have a goal to cut more strings and help Ryan  manage more things on his own.  I believe we both want and need this.  It will definitely be difficult and maybe even a bit painful, I’m not sure if it will be more painful for him or for me..  But it’s important for his independence and for my physical and mental health.  

Now back to the new year.  Ryan asked me if I had any new year’s resolutions.  I told him I didn’t, but that I had plans and goals for the year.  Resolutions give me hives.  They never work.  By mid to late January all the resolutions have flown out the window, never to return, unlike birds that fly south for the winter and return for the summer.  They never stay or come back.  Ryan wanted to know what my goals were.  I told him I wasn’t ready to divulge them as I hadn’t sat down to write them out and plan all the steps it would take to get them accomplished.  And that’s the key for me- writing down the steps and breaking larger goals into smaller ones  so the end goals don’t seem so large. Otherwise, I will be overwhelmed and not accomplish anything.  

As I work on my plans and goals for the year over  the next week or so, I will figure out my system.  I’ll then share with Ryan and the rest of my family  what I have learned about my process and will show them my plans and goals for the year.  I will need their encouragement and help to stay on track.  This will help me be accountable to myself and to them.  It also helps me as a mother to be able to say to them “not just do as I say, but do as I do” .  In other words, how can I expect Ryan to have and work on his goals, if I don’t do the same for myself?  I still need to set a good example for  my adult children and especially for Ryan and his  neurodivergence.  He will see that I practice what I preach and just maybe he’ll be inspired by me.  Or maybe not.  But at least I will be doing my part.  

I’ll follow up in another blog post in a  month or so to let you know how I’m doing on my plans.  Now I’m bringing you the reader in on my journey so that I can be accountable to you as well.  .  Oooh that’s added pressure, but it may just be what I need to get things done.

.     “New Year’s Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.”

― Mark Twain