Got Executive Functioning?

“Where is it? I just had it! It was right here!”

“What am I supposed to do next? I don’t remember!”

“You said we were going to the store this afternoon. Why aren’t we going? Why did you lie to me?”

“Ryan, are you done with your homework? Why are you playing instead of doing your homework?”

“Ryan, please think before you act! You just threw that toy and it almost hit your sister!”

“You’re wrong! The teacher told me in history class that it happened this way, not the way you’re telling me!”

The statements  above are examples of executive functioning gone awry.

According to Understood.org : “Some people describe executive function as “the management system of the brain.” That’s because the skills involved let us set goals, plan, and get things done. When people struggle with executive function, it impacts them at home, in school, and in life.” And, it has nothing to do with being lazy.

Those people with ADHD have trouble with executive functioning. Some have a few issues, and some have the “gift” of all of them. Ryan has been “blessed” with all of them. What an overachiever!!

Good executive function helps us pay attention, helps us stay organized, helps us to plan and to prioritize. It helps us to start tasks and to stay focused to complete them. It helps to regulate one’s emotions and understand others’ differing points of view. And it keeps you on track with what you’re doing.

You may know someone with these issues, and you may even see yourself with some of these issues. I know that I have some of these issues. Do I have ADHD? Well, my husband says I have the inattentive type, not the hyperactive type. Hmmm. Maybe. The point I’m trying to make is that many of us have varying degrees of executive functioning issues. What makes it a problem though, is the inability to know and understand that you have these issues, and not having the tools to help you accomplish the necessary tasks in life to make you a successful adult. Which is where educational coaching and therapy helps.

Ryan’s brain is wired differently. It’s not bad, or wrong, or damaged, just different. We learned early on in his elementary school experience that his executive functioning skills did not develop quickly enough. Typically, they mostly develop early on in childhood but also continue to develop into the 20’s. Middle school and high school are the times when these skills really need to be in place. And this is the time when they really become a big problem. Especially when the ADHD teenager is developing emotionally and independently. Fights in the home are increased and a big part is due to poor executive functioning. (Yes, I speak from experience!) There were many times I dreaded Ryan coming home from school because of what was to come: Yelling and fighting over homework! It was exhausting!

So what did we do, and are still doing? We found an Educational Therapist who coached Ryan in developing skills and tools to help. She discovered what worked for Ryan. (It takes time to figure all of this out by the way. Weeks and sometimes months. And then there are things that work for a while, and then you have to go back to the drawing board to figure out something new.)

Some of the things that worked for Ryan in high school were:

Finding a place in the home to study without distractions

Using color coded stickers for each subject

Using a homework calendar

Using a timer for a certain amount of study time

Using a timer for breaktime

Using a special calendar for homework

Using the therapist to work directly with Ryan’s teachers.

Having teachers check to make sure Ryan wrote down all homework assignments correctly

Setting up a specific schedule for finals study which included break times.

In college, Ryan works with a special coach through a wonderful program at his school. He still uses some of the skills he learned above. The difference is, now he has to be responsible and be more active and proactive in his studies. Sometimes, (like neurotypical kids) he still misses assignments, and he doesn’t have anyone nagging him. (Me!) So he has to be more responsible. What’s so encouraging and exciting is that some of these tools have really worked for him, and I see the evidence of his maturity. Ryan will most likely continue having issues with his executive functioning for most of his life. But, with the invaluable skills he’s learning, he will have a better chance at success.