Focusing on Strengths Instead of Weaknesses Part II

How are strengths used and how can you discover them especially when you are so often focused on your  weaknesses?  And who has the bandwidth to take the time to discover those strengths, when you feel you’re barely keeping your head above water?  Barely being successful in whatever endeavor you’re trying to master?  And being constantly bombarded with possible failure at every turn?  

So, again it seems so overwhelming. But the thing is, you have been successful. In many areas of your life. You have become a Bar Mitzvah. You have achieved Eagle Scout. You have graduated High School. You completed a year with the California Conservation Corps. You are attending college. And you got your driver’s license.

The you that I speak of is Ryan. If he didn’t have strengths, he wouldn’t have accomplished any of these things. Yes, he’s managed not to achieve some things, we all haven’t achieved some things. And I’m sure, he at times has called himself a failure. That he’s too weak to get over some barriers. That he struggles with his weaknesses and doesn’t always know how to pull out his strengths to make it all work for him.

Looking back at the “big” accomplishments, we have been able to glean some of Ryan’s strengths. He’s also learned what his learning styles are and what his character strengths are. He’s taken a few quizzes to find out what his strengths are. He’s spent time with his school coach and his therapist to uncover what is important to him and what drives him.

Many of us don’t figure this out early in our lives. Some of us don’t ever figure this out, and may not even need to because we don’t have ADHD, and pull out whatever skill is needed to succeed at school, at work and in relationships. But, remember, the ADHD brain’s wiring is different. And so often going from point A to B is not a straight line. ADHDers need to learn about how their brain works, so that they can learn how to live in a world that just doesn’t always make sense to them. And to get from point A to B, the ADHDer needs to identify their own personal skills and strengths to get there.

So going back to Ryan and finding out what his strengths are. By breaking down his past accomplishments and finding out actually how he managed them and identify all the steps he took to get there, has helped him tackle other projects. Of course, first, if he has had an interest in accomplishing a project, he will have a much better chance of completing that project. Without interest, it’s very difficult to get anything accomplished. Second, he has taken the VIA character strength test. VIA is an organization that helps a person find out what their character strengths are. You can learn more about VIA on their website: viacharacter.org. The test is free and takes about ten minutes to complete. Ryan has been able to identify his top five to seven character strengths. These five to seven are what drives him, and what are most important to him. Utilizing two to three of his main character strengths daily, increases his chances of being successful in the tasks he undertakes. Third, Ryan has identified what his processing modalities are. The way someone processes information is important to discover. The list of processing modalities are: auditory, conceptual, emotional, intuitive, kinesthetic, tactile, visual and verbal. One of Ryan’s modalities is verbal. So he needs to verbally talk through an issue, or a task or a decision to fully understand it and process it. These modalities can become strengths if they are known, accessed and then used to best accomplish whatever Ryan needs to accomplish. Fourth, Ryan is learning where he needs help. Asking for help really is a strength. I think this is really hard for us stubborn human beings who think we can do things on our own. It’s so often looked at as a weakness or an embarrassment when we find ourselves in a quagmire of woe because we haven’t asked for help. It’s a strength I tell you, a STRENGTH to ask for help! And whatever form that help comes in should be welcomed. If we need someone just to sit in the same room with us as we work on something to get through it, then so be it. If we need a coach to help us manage our executive function issues then that’s great. If we need a friend just to sit with us and let us vomit a whole lot of words just to help process whatever is in our head, then great – do it. Ryan uses all of these things. (And more) That’s being strong.

Ryan is still learning about his strengths. It’s a lifetime process and adventure. It’s going to take a lot of experimenting, tweaking and even fun. But without using those strengths, then everything is just darkness and shame. Don’t we all want to find out what our strengths are so we can succeed to the best of our abilities?

“today I will find strength in my weakness”

-Mark Twain