Focusing on Strength instead of Weakness

Society, especially here in the U.S., expects strength. In our economy, in our education, in our political leaders and in our foreign policy. But what happens when someone has been diagnosed with a “condition” that focuses on weaknesses? ADHD is a perfect example. Attention DEFICIT hyperactivity DISORDER. And then the explanation and symptoms of ADHD are all weaknesses. How is someone who has been diagnosed with ADHD supposed to manage a world where day after day they are told they have weaknesses that will cause them to not be successful, or that they will have to work extremely hard to get over them? And that they need to work on those weaknesses to make them strengths so that they can compete with the rest of the typical human race?

Imagine yourself in this scenario. How would this make you feel? Well, I can think of a few things. It might make you depressed, give you anxiety, make you want to give up, make you feel less than or that you can’t live up to others expectations. It might cause you to stand out and be ridiculed or bullied. You get pulled out of class so that you can be taught differently what others easily learn. You will probably be behind your classmates in social skills by a few years. How are you supposed to fit into this world, when you have all these weaknesses that will prevent you from doing so?

I say – flip it all on its head. There’s a growing consensus in the ADHD community that focusing on the strengths of an ADHDer versus weaknesses in managing ADHD will have much better outcomes in all areas of a person’s life.

For example, let’s take a look at one of Ryan’s weaknesses: attention deficit. He has trouble keeping focused on things, especially if they hold little to no interest for him. This can rear it’s ugly head when he has a paper to work on, or is in class and his mind wanders, or if he needs to clean his room. He starts the class, or starts on a project, or starts cleaning his room. He loses interest (attention), his mind wanders, and he then starts doing something else that pops into his head that provides more interest, or he just might check out. So what do do? Do we yell at him, or remind him to get back on task? No, because that just continues to bring focus on his weaknesses. And in the short and the long run does absolutely nothing to help him. That weakness will always be there. So it’s best to find and develop the strengths that will help him be successful and bypass those weaknesses.

It’s hard to find out what those strengths are. Part of that is finding out the things or tools that have worked in the past to start and/or complete a task. Taking small breaks, breaking up the tasks into smaller tasks or using ideas that help with thinking outside of the box. It’s very individual. A strength for Ryan is his ability to think outside of the box. So often, directions to doing a project doesn’t make sense to him, nor does it follow a workable progression in his mind. And if it’s just important to get to the end result of the project, and doesn’t require the steps that are listed in that specific order, then Ryan can come up with a different set of directions that works for him, that helps him stay interested, so that he can finish the project. Mind you, this works for projects he has little interest in, but has to complete for whatever reason. If he’s interested? Well, he can and does follow the directions to a tee. (Legos sets come to mind…..)

ADHDers’ brain wiring is different and all have some issues with executive functioning. Finding the strengths to overcome the weaknesses are where it’s at. You just can’t make weaknesses into strengths. It’s a wiring thing. Work arounds are necessary and finding out those strengths and putting them into place will help tremendously. Because honestly, those weaknesses will always be there. Finding out those strengths and then using them to manage weaknesses by having others around you that are strong in your weaknesses can help so much. This is where a coach can come into play. A coach has helped Ryan with tools that help him become more successful. He’s learning what his strengths are and realizing that he needs tools and many times other people in his life to assist him. It doesn’t always work out perfectly. Things still fall through the cracks. And Ryan and those in his life are still working at adjusting expectations, and goals and finding out his strengths and learning what tools work in different situations. Sometimes some tools work in one situation but don’t in another.

Next post I will talk about character strengths and learning modalities, and how those strengths and modalities can help someone be more successful in school, work and any other endeavor that is being faced. I’ll also talk about how we’re exploring and discovering Ryan’s strengths and learning modalities.

“The perfection of wisdom, and the end of true philosophy, is to proportion our wants to our possessions, our ambitions to our capacities, we will then be a happy and virtuous people.

–The Enemy Conquered; or, Love, Triumphant

Mark Twain