First Thing’s First

“FIrst things first.” I love this statement. It’s something that Ryan’s education therapist started using with him when he was in high school and specifically when it had to do with school work. She would use it with him on his homework. She would use it with him when he had to do a school project. And she would use this with him when he would need to study for tests and finals. It has become such an invaluable saying, that we use it for just about every aspect in Ryan’s life when he has a task to complete. And I don’t just use it for Ryan, but for me too. I was even talking to a friend the other day, and she used the term. And I shared with her how much I use that term with Ryan and myself.

The statement is pretty simple. It makes one stop and think about what should be done first when faced with an overwhelming project, or if you’re like me, a much simpler project such as cleaning out a closet. Or like Ryan, cleaning a bedroom or doing homework. So often, we either plow straight ahead into something without stopping and thinking about how and in what order things should be done., or so overwhelmed by the task, we just stand there frozen.

For Ryan, we also started using “First thing’s first” for other tasks in his life other than school work. Most Saturday mornings after breakfast, we would sit down, and write out the to-do list for the weekend for his schoolwork, activities and chores he would have. We would rank them and put in time frames and build in breaktimes and end times. He would cross things out as the day progressed. It would keep things straight in his mind. If he wanted to change things up, we would cross things out and add those things back in somewhere else. This helped him keep his brain in order as well and kept the frustration at bay. There’s something so freeing for the brain when it doesn’t have to think of what to do next when there’s a million things to do.

As Ryan got used to using the saying, and it became a bit more ingrained in his brain, we started helping Ryan use the tool to help him in more mundane tasks that could easily overwhelm him. Tasks such as cleaning his room would always stump him, and on his own would rarely if ever get started on his own without help. The overwhelming vision of his messy room would stop him in his tracks. We would often see his frustration grow and we would ask him to stop and take a deep breath, and then say “OK Ryan, first thing’s first.” This would help him reset his brain, and then we could ask the question. “What do you want to start with first? Pick up and put away your clothes, or pick up your toys? Sometimes, he couldn’t get that decision made, so then we would offer direction and say, OK, pick up and put away your clothes first. And then, we would move on to another task, giving clear directions.

For an ADHD brain, where there’s just so much going on, breaking tasks down to easy step by step tasks can keep that brain on track. Too many times, if the task is daunting, there can be a complete shutdown. A feeling of complete overwhelmingness can lead to nothing getting done, awful frustration and then feeling bad about it and guilt, and then sometimes even lying about it. We have seen this happen over and over again in Ryan.

I struggle with the same “syndrome” of being overwhelmed by tasks. I can stand in front of a cabinet to clean and feel so overwhelmed with where to start, that sometimes I just shut the door and leave it alone. At one point I even looked at my husband and said, “Help me, I don’t know where to start.” This brings up another point. Asking for help. It can be embarrassing to ask for help with something that may seem so simple. But, if you struggle with or have a child that struggles with ADHD and getting tasks done, I encourage you to ask for help. It doesn’t make you weak, and it can help you become more successful in your life. And talk to your child who struggles and explain it to them that they can ask for help. It doesn’t make them dumb, or stupid or less than. I have also learned that one of the best ways for me to get things accomplished is by sitting at my desk every morning before I get to work and list out all of the things I need to do. I’ll rank them and then cross them out as I get through them. If I leave it to just randomness in my brain, chances are I’ll forget some of those tasks. It helps me to put the “first thing’s first” mantra into practice.

So what’s on your agenda today? Lots of tasks? A big project? What is getting in your way of getting these started? If you don’t know where to begin, just say aloud “First thing’s first!” I can almost guarantee you’ll find a small task to start with. Silly, I know, but it just might work! Good luck!

“Plain question and plain answer make the shortest road out of most perplexities.”   

Life on the Mississippi (1883) by Mark Twain