Finding the right school

We moved to Oak Park, a small unincorporated city of Ventura County in Southern California two weeks after our daughter was born. We specifically chose this small bedroom community, because it had one of the best public school districts in California. My husband and I wanted our children to have a public school experience. We had high expectations and everyone we had met who had sent their children to Oak Park schools, had a very positive experience.

Like most parents, my husband and I had no doubt our children would be “excellent students”. We expected bright, funny and successful children, able to navigate their school years easily. Well as you know, we were in for a shock. I look back on our ideas about child rearing and I roll my eyes and laugh. And every time I hear new parents saying the same thing, I again roll my eyes (of course not in their presence) and say to myself, “Good luck!” So, we were in for a rude awakening when our journey took a sharp left turn with Ryan.

Ryan’s needs were met very well, although a little bumpy at the start, through third grade. His school support team was very capable and they had his best interest at heart. We had his yearly IEP’s and the goals that were implemented were attainable. But by the middle of third grade, it was becoming more clear that we had reached a point in his education where the school was doing everything they could but Ryan was continuing to slide downward educationally behind his classmates, and spending more and more time outside of the classroom in a special education classroom. And all of his needs were not being met to the degree that we wanted or expected.

IDEA (the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act), is a federal law that guarantees students with disabilities a free, APPROPRIATE public education. I highlight appropriate because that is what it is. Not the BEST, mind you, but appropriate.We became painfully aware that we needed to figure something else out for him.

Fortunately for us, a friend of ours had a friend whose child was at Westmark School, a school for students with language based learning differences at which the Ryan would attend from fourth grade through twelfth grade. The decision to move him was extremely difficult. Although the school seemed perfect for him, the tuition was insane. We had a decision to make. We knew that the public school district would not want to pay for this school. We would have probably had to take them to court to force them to pay, but we didn’t know what the outcome of that would be, nor how the stress of a lawsuit would be on our family. We decided to bite the bullet and pay for the private school out of pocket. We knew that we would need to make sacrifices – financial and others to provide the best learning environment for Ryan.

There are many options for finding the right school for your child other than traditional public school. Specialty private schools like Westmark is one. (Note: Most if not all specialty schools have financial assistance and/or scholarships, and with a diagnosis, you can deduct the tuition on your income taxes.) Some traditional private schools may have services that may help your child as well as religious and parochial schools. Although in my experience, not many do, and you will need to continue to receive services from your local public school district. But this may be a choice you may want to make if you want your child to have a religious school experience. Just know that you will have to work very hard at getting services and may need to take your child back to your local public school after school hours for those services. Charter schools are public schools, but you may also have an uphill battle getting the services needed for your child. Finally, there is homeschooling. I understand that some families feel that this is the best option after their child has had horrible experiences in public schools and/or their child is not accepted to a private/religious school. Generally I am not a proponent of home schooling a neurodiverse child unless the parent is a special ed teacher themselves. I’ve seen many home schooled children slide further behind educationally and socially. This is not a judgment, just an opinion. Every parent I know who has homeschooled their neurodiverse child, struggles more than any other parent I know.

It is so difficult to make life changing decisions when it comes to finding the right school for a neurodiverse child. Sometimes it takes moving to another area so that you’re in a school district that is known for its great special education and support services. Sometimes it takes a financial sacrifice. Sometimes it takes both. And it may take quite a while to figure out what is best for your child. And that’s the bottom line. – finding what’s best. And finding what’s best is almost always not the easiest in the short run. But thinking about the long run is necessary. Thinking about your child’s future and giving them their best options for a successful life should be the goal.

Researching all of the options, although exhausting, is one of the most important things you can do for your child. You may think your choices are limited, but you still have choices. If you or someone you know is struggling with a child’s school, I’m here. I can talk to you about your options, or help you navigate the craziness of getting help. But whatever you do, DON’T GIVE UP!