Feeling Ashamed

Ryan was in first grade when he bit another boy at school. Uh huh, really! Yes, he was still biting! He was playing with this boy who kept on putting his arm in front of him. Ryan struggled with using his words, (Don’t ever ask a kid with learning differences why they did something – EVER), so instead, he bit the kid’s arm. Badly. Again, Ryan got in major trouble. Sent to the principal’s office trouble. Of course when he was asked why he did it, he still couldn’t quite put the words together to explain. His response ? “I don’t know.” So, I got the call. Mind you, this was by far not the first call I got from school about Ryan’s behavior. My response? I was mortified, embarrassed, ashamed. Of course, Ryan’s behavior wasn’t acceptable, but at the same time I understood why he did what he did. He just didn’t have the tools in his wheelhouse to do the right thing

When we do something wrong, we feel ashamed (at least I hope so). When our children do something wrong in front of someone else, we really feel ashamed, and embarrassed. After all, we are responsible for our kids actions too. We should have taught them better.But, why do we feel ashamed when our children who have learning differences or mental health issues, just are being who they are? Or we are so ashamed, that we won’t tell anyone, not even our closest friends or family, that our kids are different. We are afraid that we will lose friends, that our families may turn their backs on us, or that they’ll simply just ignore us.

In my personal experience, those things did happen to my family and me. And we discovered who our true friends and family really are. Sad as it was. Because of our honesty and openness, our circle is fairly small. But our small circle is incredibly loving and accepting

There remains a lot of stigma in this country regarding learning differences, ADHD, mental health issues, etc. It’s sad isn’t it? We sure don’t have problems with people who have medical diagnoses like diabetes or cancer. But we still find it so difficult to accept these other “nebulous disorders” that people can’t see. Even with an actual psychiatric diagnosis. We still come up against the idea that it’s something to be hidden or ashamed of. Isn’t it time, really to open up the curtain and help educate others to accept the facts? Yes, this comes from a very personal place. You’ve read it before in a previous posting about people in my own family not accepting that ADHD is a real diagnosis. And yeah, I’m still angry about it. It’s 2020 for heaven’s sake. It’s time we all rise and shine and get it all out there, so that others will be educated and hopefully encourage other parents out there to get their children tested. So many parents still won’t accept that their kids are different or need help.

Yes, it is each of our right to tell who and what and when. And some of you may have just gone through all the testing with your kids, and gotten the diagnosis. This is not for you. You’re going through your own turmoil. My guess is that you have millions of feelings going through your head right now. And I’m here for you, to listen to you and support you.

I want to encourage each and every one of you reading this to consider sharing your stories with me, your family, your friends, your religious community. Reach out. I guarantee that we will all lift you up, love you, encourage you. And you might just help someone else who’s going through something similar.