Disorganized Organization

Part 1

“Even when I’m organized, I’m disorganized”, I say to my husband as I try to locate a single boot to match the other boot in my “organized” closet.  He laughs and says “That’s the title of your next blog!”  After the  yelling and sighing and frustration, and finding that darn boot, and finally able to get out of the house,  I am now able to  respond to my initial statement and my husband’s remarks.    I shake my head and give a small little sigh and giggle.  

 A day later, as we are sharing this episode with friends over dinner,  I fumble and almost drop my full plate of food,  my husband says, “Well, I know who Ryan gets his ADHD from.”  

Yes, it’s obvious and plain as day.  That apple doesn’t fall far from this tree.  Sometimes I laugh about it, sometimes I cry and I often put my hand on Ryan’s shoulder, and tell him lightheartedly, how sorry I am that he takes after his mother.  Come to think of it, I do the same thing with my daughter, but for different reasons…..

I have a short fuse if I can’t find anything.  I spend an inordinate amount of time organizing my life.  After organizing things, I look at it and say with all honesty how great it looks,  whether it’s my desk, my closet or my dresser. I even will say out loud, “Well hopefully I can keep it that way!. 

 Never ever can I keep anything organized for long.  Either I end up throwing things on top of whatever I have organized, throw things in the closet, don’t put away clothes, stuff things in drawers, toss things in bins or boxes or under the bed, or, or, or…..You would think, that because I know this about myself, that it would motivate me to keep things organized.  It doesn’t.  I’m pretty fed up about it, and wonder if I will EVER figure this out.  

My expectations for others that I live with don’t match my own behavior.  The old do as I say, not as I do is my modus operandi when it comes to those expectations.  Not fair, you say?  Of course it’s not fair.  How can I expect my loved ones to be better organized than I am?  Actually I am better at organizing others belongings than I am organizing my own stuff.  On the surface this doesn’t make sense.  But ask just about any ADHDer who struggles with organization and they will admit that they are GREAT at helping others become organized.   Honestly, we are overjoyed and excited and interested in helping others get organized.  Why is this typical for an ADHDer?  Because keeping ourselves organized is boring, and hard, even if it makes our lives easier and better.  And there’s the conundrum.  Neurodivergent brains don’t make sense in a neurotypical world.  

So back to my world, as well as Ryan’s. .  We can be very hard on ourselves.  We are embarrassed.  We may even mask and lie about our poor organization.  But, maybe a little acceptance and compassion for myself is in order.  Afterall, I’ve been this way my entire life.  Maybe it’s time to figure out a different organizational system instead of doing the same thing over and over again and trying to get a different result.  (Wait, didn’t Einstein say something about that? Really I’m not insane!)  I need new tools.  Stay tuned and  I’ll let you know what organizational systems I research and those that speak to me in Part II.  Hopefully I won’t spend too much time going down the rabbit hole of all the systems that are out there as I’ve got to get my things organized before I move- I’m still getting ready to get ready.  I gotta keep this short.   Time is ticking!  

  “You may say organize, organize, organize; but there may be so much organization that it will interfere with the work to be done.”            Mark Twain