Disorganized Organization

Part 2

If you know me well, you might ask if the above is a real picture of my shoes.  It’s not, but it could be.    I love shoes.  My closet is full of them.  At any given time, my shoes in my closet may certainly look like this.  At the moment, my closet and shoe collection looks pretty organized.  At least through my eyes.  I know where all of my specific pairs are.  Others may look at it (my husband), and wonder how I know where anything is.  But, I know, and that’s all that matters, until I stop using my organization system and it doesn’t work anymore.  Then, I have to clean it all up again and reorganize them.  Who prompts me to clean it up and organize again?  Sometimes it’s me when I can’t stand it anymore, or my husband who kindly (at least most of the time) asks me to clean up my shoe mess especially when it starts to creep in on his side of the closet.  This is my modus operandi.    

When it comes to organization, one size does not fit all.  Yes, the shoe pun was intended.  We are all different and unique from each other.  .  Different body types, different likes and dislikes, different beliefs, different ideas, and all of us have unique brains.  Not one person is completely like another.  This is one of the things that makes living our own unique life so exciting, or frustrating, or exasperating.  What works for me, may not work for you, or for that matter anyone else.  

There are thousands of self help books, websites, Tik Tok and YouTube videos about telling you how to organize everything in your life.  Everyone has an idea on how to “fix” you.   There are so many great systems and ideas out there.  And you might want to and have tried  them all, but nothing seems to actually work for long.  I’ve tried various systems over the years,, but I often end up asking myself , why doesn’t anything work in the long term?  The answer might possibly be, I need to find out how my brain works and who I am and what resonates for me.  I need to find my system, not someone else’s.   This may be true for you as well, and if  you are neurodivergent, it most certainly will be true.  

The beginning of this year, my husband and I sold our home of almost 27 years, and bought a new home 400 miles away.  It has been an exciting, yet very challenging time. It happened very quickly- less than 45 days.  I knew that I would have to really figure out how to be organized.  So, I spent a few sessions with a coach friend of mine who helped me figure out what would work best for me to keep things straight.  We discovered that I like making lists, that I like to keep things in binders, that I like to divide things up into categories.  These things are at the heart of who I am and what I like.  So, I bought a big zippered binder that I called “The Brain” .  I filled it with dividers with pockets, and I added a legal pad, pens and sticky notes.  Everything regarding the move has gone into this “brain”:  to do lists, vendors, needs, receipts, projects, etc all had their own section.  What was so great about this “brain” is that I made it myself.  It met my needs and how my brain works.  I had a special place for it and knew where it was at all times.  I didn’t have to remember anything on my own, because everything was in there.  I also “sold”  the idea to my husband, and he would ask me to bring it out to go over things together.  Now that we have been in our home for two months, we still use the brain for ongoing home projects.

But what about the other areas that I struggle with in organization?  Like my closet and all the other storage places, and kitchen and office?  Well, I’m working on that still.  This is a journey.  One of the things that my husband and I are doing is taking our time unpacking and making sure that we aren’t just  emptying the boxes for emptying sake.  And there’s a lot of compromise.  Oh, that’s fun.  My husband is neurotypical.  I’m not.  What makes logical sense  to him may be completely nonsense to me and vice versa.   But I have decided to be dedicated to figuring this out, because it’s important to me right now to make our new home a place that at the end of the day I can look around me and be at peace.  When I am emptying boxes and putting things away I take a pause and ask myself the following questions or take the following steps:

What area do I want to work on right now?  I choose only one, so I don’t get overwhelmed.

If I’m going to empty boxes, how many boxes can I handle going through right now?

Where should each item go as I take it out of the box?  If I don’t have an answer, I will ask my husband, or put it aside.  (We have a holding area – a pretty big one I might add)

I take frequent breaks.  If I do too much, then I become sloppy, don’t think as clearly and become overwhelmed.

How does Ryan fit into all of this?   He too struggles with organization. After years of trying to force him into cleaning his room a certain way or setting up a system for school in a certain way, I have backed off from trying to force him into a system that doesn’t work for him.  He is on his own journey and is working with a coach and therapist to learn more about himself and how his brain works.  I have also been able to step back and empathize more with his struggle.  I can work on myself and be an encouraging parent instead of being the hammer in his life.  This is a difficult transition for me.  Letting go though is truly what is best for both Ryan and me..  

If you find yourself struggling with organization, I will offer you the following:

Ask yourself these questions:

1.  Why is being organized important to you?

2. Are you happy living the way you are?  

3. How would your life be better if you were more organized?

4. What would your life look like if you found a system that works for you?

5. What has worked for you in the past? Whatever that is, do it!

6. What hasn’t worked in the past?  Don’t continue to try to fit yourself into that round hole if you are square. 

Ideas and resources that may help you:

1.  Hire a professional organizer.  

2. Ask a friend to help you. By the way – many people with ADHD are great people to help others get organized.  They may not be great at keeping themselves organized, but boy do they have great ideas for others!

3. Ask for the support from a spouse, partner or friend..  

4. Communicate with your spouse or partner and share and be open about your struggles.  

5. And I couldn’t leave you without a link for an organizational quiz:  

www.clutterbug.me

                 There’s all kinds of tips and ideas on this website.  Cassandra Aarssen has quite the backstory as well as having ADHD.  I heard her speak at the ADHD conference and she is quite inspiring

Happy organizing!  Feel free to contact me with any questions or comments.  I look forward to hearing about your organization struggles, and more importantly your wins!

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

                                                                                                                ― Mark Twain