Choosing the Right School – Part 2 -College

This past weekend, Ira (my husband and Ryan’s dad) and I went to visit Ryan. We were fortunate enough to also have a meeting with his university coach and mentor. We hadn’t been able to meet in person since September 2020 and we looked forward to hearing from her and Ryan on how things were going. We spoke about continued challenges as well as the great gains that Ryan had accomplished, and we discussed future goals and made plans to keep in touch. We all walked out of the meeting, looked at each other and said, “Wow, we really made the right decision!”

You never know whether your child will be successful in college, even if they’re brilliant, did spectacularly on entrance exams or an incredible school athlete. There’s nothing out there that can measure future success. Each kid is different, and who knows if they’ll thrive or not. Add ADHD and other learning differences to the mix and it can really become a crapshoot. ( (Excuse the expression, but it is just so accurate!) So planning ahead as much as possible and really knowing your child is key.

With Ryan, we started early in trying to figure out if he was going to be college material. The goal was always to give him the opportunity to attend college, but we knew that the road would be difficult. As soon as Ryan started high school, we began looking at schools that had support systems or programs that Ryan could access. All schools had disability services as required by law, but we were looking for specific additional resources for him. We discovered that there are many schools on the east coast that have additional support programs, but there are only a few on the west coast.

In tenth grade, Ryan and I attended an event in San Francisco for students with learning differences. There was a Southern Oregon University booth at the educational fair that we stopped at where they were advertising a program called UCAM (University Counseling and Mentoring). This program consists of a mentor/coach who is assigned to a student and who they meet with either once or twice a week to help manage college life, academics, and executive function issues. It is a fee for service, meaning that although it is part of the university, there is an extra fee for the program. The program also provides a built in social aspect, in that the students in the program get together for activities and provide support for each other. Ryan immediately turned to me and said, “This is where I want to go.”

In the spring of eleventh grade through the fall of twelfth grade, we spent many hours with Ryan’s college and career counselor at his school, Physically listing all of the colleges as well as careers and job opportunities on a board, Ryan then researched each of them one by one. He looked at different majors and their educational requirements as well as careers that would be a good fit for his interests and abilities. He applied to three schools that were, on paper, the best fit for him – SOU and two other small California State Universities ( although the state universities didn’t have special programs, the enrollment was small and we would be able to supplement extra help.) We also discussed whether or not he was actually mature enough to start school right after he graduated. It was decided that he would take a gap year (more on that in another post) to gain more independence in his daily life.

Looking back on this experience it seems like it was easy. It wasn’t . Just like any kid getting ready to make the big leap, there was a lot of angst, crying, yelling, and frustration (and that just wasn’t from me!) But we did the work. We (Yes, we. It was a family affair.) wanted to make sure that we were making the best decision possible. We tried to take into account Ryan’s learning styles, his academic strengths and weaknesses and his personality. I think it’s something really important to say here: Know your child. Know their strengths and weaknesses. Just because they might want to go to a big university -maybe it’s really not the right place for them. Set them up for success, not failure. If they fail in their first year at a big school, not only will it cost you an enormous amount of money, it will cost your child a huge strain on their mental health. Or they may need an extra year or two to mature a bit more. Or -they may not be college material at all. Also, a neurodivergent child’s success in college may take longer than four years once they start. (I think of all of the rest of us who are neurotypical that took longer than four years to finish college. Me being one.) It’s important to remember that it is extra challenging for the non neurotypicals.) . There’s also all kinds of options as well in how many units or credits they take each semester/quarter if they are connected with disability services. Setting up reasonable expectations is also important. Think about what success might look like, and what your expectations are in advance.

Ryan is truly at the best place for him. Does he still struggle? Of course. He’s still growing and learning and figuring life out, and making small gains every day. But he has his family, his friends, his teachers and especially his coach, (thanks, Jade!) to help him in his endeavors.